Chapter 29—I’ll Go Where You Want Me to Go

They spent many more months in Amulek’s home. Abish’s recovery was slow and young Armac was used to his nurse. Abish was never able to be a mother to him in that sense, but she still spent many hours each day holding him. As he became more mobile Abish was able to move also. It seemed she relearned to do everything the same time her child did—sitting on her own, eating, even walking. By the time he was just over a year, Abish was ready to travel.

Although she and Himni had once talked about Zarahemla, she now found herself impatient to see her friends in Jershon, but such a thing was not possible. The Lamanites had likewise spent the past year gathering strength and were now embroiled in a war against the Nephites just south of Jershon. Abish could see her husband’s desire to go and stand with his brethren, but Alma had said calmly, “There are plenty of soldiers, my friend, but your skills are needed elsewhere. This people will survive, but where will they be if there is no leadership for their church?”

Abish understood his frustration; the only family she had ever really known was at the center of the conflict and it could certainly not be easy for them. The Nephites had agreed to the defense of Jershon, knowing the covenant most of the Anti-Nephi-Lehies had entered into. And although Abish knew there had been many guarantees about the financial support those in Jershon would lend to Zarahemla, this new land had yet to generate a senine of income for the Nephite nation to help with their defense.

When she was well, they traveled to Zarahemla. Alma was often gone and needed someone to help lead the church in his stead. Abish bid a tearful farewell to Shona and thanked her profoundly for the love she had shown. There were few other friends to say goodbye too. In the time they had lived with Amulek, Abish had spent much of her time indoors. She walked through the city that last morning with fond feelings, wondering how many of the unknown sisters in those homes had served her and prayed for her, even when she was unaware they were doing it. She squeezed Himni’s hand while he adjusted the sleeping Armac on his back and they headed once more into the unknown.

Zarahemla was a bigger city than Melek, but no larger than Ishmael. Although its size initially overwhelmed her after her quiet existence of the last year, she adjusted very quickly. The other believers were as friendly as they had been in Melek and many people remembered Himni as a boy and were happy to have him in their midst. Himni was a compassionate leader and Abish knew he did much good for the church.

The thing that surprised Abish the most were the number of non-believers living in Zarahemla. In the Land of Nephi, those that didn’t believe usually moved to other cities. The believers in those cities then moved to Ishmael or Middoni or Helam. But in this land, Abish had many neighbors that were not part of the church. Some of them were friendly: others were antagonistic. Himni laughed at her surprise, “Abish, surely you didn’t think all Nephites were believers. Why, you know the story of my brothers and Alma and how we led many away.”

“I just assumed that when you came back, many others came with you.”

“Many did. But many had been far out of the church long before we were. Look at Zaria’s people. They were so resistant to the teachings of the church that they began a new city and religion in Lamanite lands with their perversions of the Law of Moses. The Amalekites weren’t the first to do so and certainly won’t be the last. In fact, about the same time we came to this land there was a man named Zoram who gained quite a following preaching a new brand of religion. He has settled some of the area south of Jershon with his new converts and has begun to blend his religion with other fringe groups living over there.”

“Perhaps I was naïve to think it would be different, but I just don’t get it.”

“Don’t get what?”

“Well, the Lamanites have some excuse for not believing—we had the terrible traditions of our fathers to overcome. But the Nephites! How can some of them behave the way they do when they are surrounded by the truth? The very reason their country runs with so much peace and goodwill is because of the gospel. How can they so take for granted the blessings of the Lord that they won’t even recognize his hand?”

Himni shrugged, “The Lord still gives us our agency.” His voice lowered and he said gently, “Even all your wonderful kinsmen in Jershon: how long do you think they will all hold to the faith?” Abish sat down hard; she had never considered this before. Himni spoke even more gently. “The Ammonites have been through a lot—except for the children, most of those in the church remember a time when they did not have the gospel. They remember the horror of the human sacrifice. They remember the day that thousands of believers were slaughtered. They will never forget their long exodus of this past year. They will never forget hearing Ammon preach. But what of their children and grandchildren who will probably know little but the complacency of peace and freedom to worship? What will remind them of the many sacrifices of their fathers?”

“They must be taught.”

Himni nodded and added, “But some will still choose to learn by their own difficult experiences what is right and what is wrong.”

Abish nodded slowly and patted Himni’s arm, “And some who choose poorly will come back.”

He smiled and kissed the top of her head, “I thank the Lord every day for repentance.”


The first Lamanite war of that time ended with much slaughter on both sides, but the Lamanites were repelled. Loss to the Nephites had also been great, but it seemed peace had been purchased. It would take the Lamanites some time to rebuild and rekindle the anger that led them north to begin with. Abish finally journeyed with Armac to Jershon when a road was built. To her surprise, she was just in time to deliver Zaria and Aaron’s first child, and there was much rejoicing all around. For although there was not an official queen in the land of Jershon, there were many who still saw Zaria in that light. Gifts poured in from around the land and from the quality and abundance of them, Abish could see the people had prospered. Her brother was well and happy; he and Sasha had begun a second family themselves. The sorrow of her firstborn’s death would never truly leave her eyes, but she had found a good life. Abish felt her heart torn between Zarahemla and Jershon, so she and Himni found themselves splitting their time between the two cities, traveling to wherever Alma needed Himni to work in the church. Abish still delivered babies often, although not as much as she once had.

To Himni’s great distress, Abish became pregnant again. Despite the difficulties of the first, the second progressed as any other normal pregnancy. The baby girl came with no complications and Abish was finally able to push away memories of the first difficult months after Armac’s birth and replace it with the joy her daughter brought to them.

The Zoramite group Himni once told her of had made a clean enough break with the Nephites that Alma feared they would soon ally themselves to the Lamanites. He decided to lead a mission to preach to them, in an effort to reclaim some of them for the sake of their souls and for Nephite safety. Although it would be some years before the force was strong enough to attack again, the Lamanites seemed to be preparing for battle anyway—gathering weapons and reinforcements from conquered tribes far to the south. Groups on the border unfriendly to the Nephites were always worrisome.

They were in Jershon when Alma recruited Himni’s brothers one by one to join him. Yet he didn’t come to Himni. Abish sensed that her husband was tense over this development. She said to him, “Maybe he just assumes you will go.”

“I would be ready to go if he needed me. But why would he talk to each of my brothers individually and just assume that I knew to come? They prepare to leave in just two weeks and I don’t even know if I should pack.”

“Would it be so bad to stay?” Abish asked gently with a slight smile. She was with child again, but not very far along. Himni did not know; she was waiting to tell him after they knew whether Alma would ask Himni to serve a mission. She did not want him to stay back for her—not this time. She was healthy now and she wanted him to put the Lord first.

Himni smiled, “Of course not. I just want the Lord’s prophet to know that I am ready to go if and when he needs me.”

“I am sure the Lord knows; that will maybe have to be enough for a time.”

He leaned over to kiss her cheek, “You always seem to say the right thing. I’ll be patient.”

Alma did indeed have plans for her husband. He wanted Himni to stay behind and be in charge of the church in Zarahemla. Himni felt the weight of the responsibility very heavily and spent many hours on his knees. Abish appreciated his sincere humility more than she could say, but she also knew that it was this very thing that prepared him for his calling.

They said goodbye to the band of missionaries before traveling to Zarahemla. Although Himni knew the right choice had been made, Abish could still sense his wistfulness as he said goodbye, in turn to Alma, Ammon, Aaron, Omner, and two of Alma’s sons. Amulek and his friend Zeezrom would be joining them in just a few days. She stood back slightly as Ammon hugged and pumped his brother on the back. They were both teary-eyed. Ammon said quietly, “I am not quite sure how I will serve a mission without you.”

“We have been apart much in recent years.” Himni countered.

“But a mission is different. To be a great missionary, a man needs to be surrounded by his best companions.”

Himni pushed him back and smiled, “Yet you went alone to the land of Ishmael and so began the greatest work in our whole history.”

Ammon looked past Himni to where Abish stood, holding her daughter while Armac clung to her skirts. “That wasn’t my idea, it was hers.” He nodded toward her and Abish smiled quietly at this important bond they had shared since the day they first spoke to one another.

“By the way, have I thanked you for finding her?” Himni said.

“Only about a hundred times.”

“Then I’ll just say it once more for good measure.”

“No need. I am glad the Lord led me to her as well. Everything is different for thousands of people, and for us, because of her faith. Be good to her.”

“Of course.”

They hugged again and the rest of the goodbyes were brief. Abish was silent for some minutes after the departure before saying, “There are many ways to serve a mission.”

Himni laced his fingers through hers, “I know,” though there was a tone in his voice that wasn’t very convincing.

“The church needs you here. And the Zoramites need them there.”

“I have accepted it. I still don’t feel prepared for it, but I have accepted that it is God’s will.”

“Which is precisely why you will do such a good job. If I know anybody who will put himself aside so the Lord can do His work then it is you.” They walked in companionable silence for some minutes when she queried,”Do you think they will have much luck?”

Himni shrugged, “I don’t know. The Zoramites are a prideful people with a lot of material wealth. The few poor among them, mostly people that were already in the land before they arrived, have been shockingly treated. They have perverted true worship and only allowed the very wealthy to participate. There are even rumors that there is a woman there who has set herself up as some kind of prophetess, reviving ancient, terrible, practices that were part of the old world. While some might regard her as a receiver of some kind of truth, she is little more than a harlot—selling her body and the bodies of her followers for money in exchange for a supposed spiritual uplift. . . no, Abish, I do not know if they will have much success among the Zoramites.”

“Still, you never can say who will accept the gospel and change their lives because of it.” Himni nodded and it was quiet for several more minutes while they were both lost in their own thoughts of those who had, against all odds, come to the fold of God. Abish observed, “It seems that those who once had the truth are much harder to convince than those who never had it.”

“I agree completely. I don’t know if I ever told you of the time Aaron and I tried to preach in the city of Jerusalem?” Abish shook her head and Himni began sharing stories from the early days of his mission, before she knew him. It had taken fifteen years, but now he could laugh about an experience that had nearly cost him his life.